After a long time of pondering whether I should keep this account or not, I've finally came to the decision of keeping it. Right now, I'm facing the toughest trials I have ever known. Do you sometimes think that you really are aware of the bad things that might happen to you, but since they have not happened yet you put them at the back of your mind and eventually forget them[or you think you did]?

Anyway, I'm in a situation wherein I can't cry, for right now, crying in front of anyone can lead to something more complicated which I really can't handle anymore. In short, I've got to pretend that I'm not affected by anything that has happened. I've got to pretend I'm this strong person which I know I'm not.

I thought of a weird idea while I was walking home this evening. What if for just one day I can sign off. For one day, I will not be me and instead view myself from the outside. I just want to know who I really am. Am I really this girl who can face any problem that comes her way with courage and a clear view of things or this girl who complains about everything, even the smallest of things that doesn't go her way? I just really feel lost. Before college, I really planned on finding myself and knowing who I really am that's why I tried to distance myself first from my friends who I know I can rely on so I won't be that dependent on them. I planned to discover things on my own. Lately, it gets harder everyday to do this because I feel that with the right combination of problems and pressure I'll crumble. I can't even make sense out of this essay. I'm just so confused.